From 1st grade to age 22 I have gotten distracted from my original intent of becoming a farmer. In these last 17 years I have wanted to be a monster truck driver, a movie star, an astronaut, and a restaurant owner. Now that I am 22, I want to be a farmer again.

I ain’t worth two dimes in the kitchen. Anyone who knows me knows I would rather pay for a burrito than make a burrito. I love burritos. I have a new passion though, and in order to pursue this passion I have to spend time in my kitchen. Its not that I hate kitchens, I love stoves and refrigerators. I just hate spending all sorts of time and effort making one meal when Joe down the road can whip it up for me in no time— no grocery store time needed. However, I have become a jam maker, more specifically a blackberry jam maker. So far I have made one and half jars of blackberry jam and it was delicious.

Have you been to a Farmer’s Market recently? I love Farmer’s Markets come to find out this summer. It was at one of these markets where I bought my first pint of blackberries. Saturday while perusing the isle of mason jars at the local East Town Knoxville Super Wal Mart I ran into a lady named Jenny who was also perusing the mason jar isle. I asked her if she was making jam and it just so happened that she too was about to whip up a batch of blackberry jam in her kitchen. After my friend and I picked her brain as to the complete jam making process I asked her where she got her blackberries. She said a farmer lady brought blackberries by the gallon to her work every Wednesday for purchase and she would place an order for me if I would like. I placed an order. Tomorrow I will acquire a gallon worth of blackberries. I love blackberries. Tomorrow night I will once again enter into a kitchen with the intent to cook and hopefully 9 jars worth of blackberry jam will be the result of my time spent. I will give you my blackberry jam on one condition. You return my jars, preferably washed, because as much as I love refrigerators and stoves I hate washing dishes.

Here is a picture of my first batch of jam. One day when I am a farmer I will grow lots of things and then put them all into mason jars. If you would like some jam please contact me via anyway you know how to contact me. It will cost you ten dollars a jar. Probably not though.

Also, does anyone know how to tell the difference between purple plums on the inside and light colored plums on the inside?

-Ross Hoss

I graduated high school almost 4 years ago. I stepped into my blue gown and balanced my little blue square hat and was ready to take over the world. The world of college. Ross back then had no idea what would happen to his life. He thought he had an idea though. Here is what I thought the rest of my life was going to be like in college.

1. I would play baseball….. duh.

2. I would have a beard by my junior year…..

3. I would have really good abs…..

4. I would almost be married by my senior year…..

5. I would have a full sized truck. Possibly, even a king size……

6. I would be possibly getting drafted…..

7. I would have changed the world……

8. I would be well on my way to graduating with a business degree……

9. I would have somehow made it on a game show……

10. Whatever…..

None of those things are true (most though, still make it to my new years resolution list). Here is what has happened to me over the past 4 (ish) years that I would have never expected.

1. I ain’t married, or anywhere near it. I am single.

2. I have two jobs at once and boy do they provide a lot of entertainment! Hint: I do not play baseball for a living.

3. I spend my afternoons driving the Footvols’ head coach’s Escalade around. I pick up his kids and often do the heavy lifting that needs to be done around the house. Who could’ve seen that coming? Not 18 year old, wide eyed, Ross. They have three kids.

4. I build dog weaves for dog agility competitions and then ship them out. I average 4 weaves a day and make about 4 dollars a day doing it. For more. Check this out! http://www.waytoweave.com/

5. I am attending my 5th college and going into my 5th year in college.

6. It will probably take me 6 years to graduate.

7. I now own my 7th car. It is actually a truck, and it is not full size.I personally paid for all 7. I am proud of that.

I love my life. Now that is all, goodbye.

-Ross Hoss

As I was traveling to Chattanooga from Knoxville my GPS led me off the interstate and onto the backstreets of Tennessee. Little towns and little people littered the streets as I sped past them all, determined to reach my destination (my brother’s house). As I am traveling along some back road in Harrisburg maybe (?) I came across a big ol’ Church kind of stuck in the middle of nowhere. As I glanced at the Church I noticed something peculiar. Instead of a steeple out front, they had this guy (see above). I put on the breaks, did a U turn in the middle of a curvy road, certain nobody else was on the streets but me, and pulled into the parking lot of said Church. I hopped out of my truck and stood in the presence of Jesus. Just like anyone would do, who had just encountered Jesus, I pulled my cellphone out and snapped this picture.

Here are what I find most interesting about this picture:

1. I estimate the age of Jesus in this picture to be 19. Fresh out of high school Jesus is embracing the new college culture he has just found himself in (hence the open arms).

2. Jesus has a great tan. Was Jesus capable of being sun burned?

3. Jesus could have starred in a number of Disney movies and nobody would have found him to be out of place. Aladdin and the Emperors New Groove to name a few.

4. Jesus had great dental hygiene.

5. Jesus had great big pointer fingers, probably so that the Pharisees would have no doubt he was pointing at them.

Authors note: I have a lot of respect for Jesus. I just thought this picture was funny. The larger point I am trying to make is evident. Also, I mean no harm to this Church. It was a big place. I am sure they are doing a lot of good in the world of Harrisburg.

-Ross Hoss

“An American tourist was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.

Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The tourist complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, “Only a little while.”

The tourist then asked, “Why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more fish?”

The Mexican said, “With this I have more than enough to support my family’s needs.”

The tourist then asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”

The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life.”

The tourist scoffed, ” I can help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You could leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York where you could run your ever-expanding enterprise.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”

The tourist replied, “15 to 20 years.”

“But what then?” asked the Mexican.

The tourist laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions.”

“Millions?…Then what?”

The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”

-Ross Hoss

I remember this lecture. I remember the local dentist making us all pretend to brush our teeth for two minutes straight, to prove that two minutes was longer than we thought. It was longer than I had thought, a point I remember to this day while brushing my teeth.

He also told us that we brush our teeth the same way every time. I remember thinking that this notion was preposterous (what I really thought probably was, “this is stupid, I mean dumb, I mean I don’t like it”).  However, I will take this point to my grave because it is completely accurate, unless noticed and the process is purposely and consciously thrown off.  We do brush our teeth the same way every time.

Authors note: I have very few actual memories of 1st grade. I remember counting 1 million beans and piling them in the cafeteria floor. I also remember my teacher turning on the OJ Simpson trial, although the tv was turned where we couldn’t see it, we could still hear it. I still remember the day he was said to be innocent. I also think I had a rabbit/bunny named Hopper.

Lately I have been taking special notice of other stuff we do the same way every time (I have not really conducted any studies to prove any of this stuff, so let me know if you agree with, or hate my theories).

1. Dry off the same way. Every time I get out of the shower I dry off the same way. Every time probably since I was born. Once again, I have not conducted studies to see if this is true for everyone (awkward), but I think it is. Right?

2. Eat pizza. Anyone who has seen me eat pizza knows that, for me, it is a subconscious all out race to the last slice. I do not intend for it to be like this. But, we all have our pizza eating habits. For instance, I am a folder. I fold my piece in half so that I can consume the maximum amount possible at one time. The way I eat pizza is the most crazy thing about me. You eat each slice the same way too, you just haven’t realized it yet.

3. Every time I get in my truck I do the same thing. Plop down, keys out, car on, look in my rear views, flip my radio knob to the same volume every time  (to be adjusted later (I use the same force in every flip)), adjust myself, shift down, look around, accelerate.

4. Every time I get on my computer I subconsciously go to Facebook. Often realizing I have no interest in Facebook at that moment, but none the less, it is the first thing I do every time. If I haven’t been on the computer in a while, then the order goes like this every time; Facebook, email, Twitter.

5.  I think the same thing every morning when my alarm clock goes off— “Ughhhh”

This is it for now. Maybe more will come to me. Maybe not.

Ross Hoss

Tonight I put on my orangest UT hoodie, hopped behind the wheel of my tiny truck (it has a big heart though), and headed downtown to do some volunteering. I was wearing a Vols sweatshirt. I am a UT student. I was volunteering. I was a really big Vol tonight.

Last time I volunteered I handed out shirts, which was cool. This time however, when Laine (my friend and fellow Vol)  and I went to man our post at the t-shirt stand, it seemed as if there were already too many men manning stuff, so we began to stand awkwardly around waiting for someone to need a size 40 pants… because that was the only station open for us.

Earlier I had caught wind that Bruce Pearl was down there as well volunteering. Which is significant for many reasons, the main one being that we can always say we were a part of Bruce Pearls last acts as a Volunteer………..

So it did not take long for me to suggest to Laine that we leave the over sized pants and try to find Bruce. We began to wonder around. We did not find Bruce (apparently he had already left (maybe forever… aw…)), but we did find a man named Sam. Sam was standing behind some Bibles. Looking important behind all those Bibles we asked Sam what we could do to help. Sam sent us out with a pen and paper and told us to write down prayer requests and then bring them back to be typed up and sent out in a mass email. Okay we said, then set out.

We met. We greeted. We talked. It was great. My soul was rejuvenated.

We met Leroy. Leroy had the warmest smile this side of the Mason Dixon Line. A smile that would make your mom want to bake him a thousand casseroles. Leroy liked fishing and had been to the Jacksonville pier (that I speak of in the post previous to this one). What are the odds? IT is also to note, that while in Jacksonville doing some hot tubbin’ one night we met a friendly dude, who I named Leroy, because we never exchanged names. Crazy, I know.

We also met Darryl, who in very descriptive language painted a very vivid picture in our minds of Satan waiting around every corner with an Uzi looking to kill us. He talked a lot about Uzis, and once referenced a shotgun. Uzis should be brought up more in the pulpit. However intense and scary the  illustration was, he made some good points.

Darryl also had a daughter who lived with his girlfriend at the Salvation Army. She shook are hands upon meeting her. She is one and half. It was sweet. I love her. Her name is Dora.

Without Bruce Pearl I would probably still be standing around awkwardly waiting for men who wear big pants to approach me. So thank you Bruce. Not just for tonight, but for all of your time here as a Vol. You are a good dude. Ain’t nobody denying that. I wish you the best of luck out there.

http://www.wbir.com/news/article/164071/2/Former-Coach-Pearl-serves-BBQ-for-Lost-Sheep-Ministry

Ross Hoss

My parents got a new puppy. We named her Annie Oakley after THE Annie Oakley who was the star of Buffalo Bill’s Wild Wild West Show. Annie (the puppy) is a real sharp shooter herself, completely living up to her name. She already knows how to sit on command.

Last Sunday Midnight Mike and I loaded down Ricky Ranger (the name of my truck) with fishing poles, sunflower seeds, sunscreen, and smiles and headed for Jacksonville, FL, which is where we would spend our Spring Break. Nobody told me Jacksonville was 10 hours away. I would say from hours 7 to 8 when we realized that we still had 2 to 3 hours left is when our smiles that we brought with us began to fly out the window.

However our smiles would return once we arrived, unpacked, and put in Wedding Crashers.

The next day we would set out to “catch the big one.” This phrase, “catch the big one,” may take on a completely different meaning for some of you spring breakers out there, but for us, it meant that we wanted to catch a big fish, particularly a hammerhead shark.

Now I will relay to you some of the most exciting fishing stories you have ever heard:

On Monday, Midnight Mike and I piled our over-sized bodies into my undersized truck and headed for the pier. The pier would surely make all our dreams come true (our dreams consisting of mostly us catching a 300 lbs Hammerhead Shark). We get about 3 minutes from the pier and Midnight Mike casually mentions he left all of his fishing stuff at the apartment. I instantly forgive him, realizing he was probably overwhelmed by all the sunlight, and turn the truck around. We then wait for Gregory to get home from class. We read books by the pool. No Hammerhead Sharks in sight, yet.

Gregory wants to fish on the beach. The water is cold. We reluctantly agree. My original plan was to get my ankles a little damp but no more. I take one step into that vast blue wonder and instantly feel impelled to take another step. Before I know it, I am standing out in the ocean, waste deep, yelling as loud as I can, feeling the freezing water splash against my belly, and loving every second of it. Something about the ocean makes me rowdy. I destroy waves like I am destroying the Taliban.

Mike caught a sea trout. It wasn’t hardly a hammerhead shark but boy were we excited. We snapped pictures, packed up, and headed home. The hammerheads live to see another day.

The Jacksonville pier can make all of your dreams come true. I used to say this about Flag World and that still stands, but the pier can make completely different dreams come true. As we marched up to the pier, gear in tow, one thing becomes abundantly clear, fishing in Jacksonville is primarily an African American Sport. Which is of course, cool with us, and only further encourages us to get out there and make some friends. Probably the most notable friend we made on the pier was a man who walked up to Midnight Mike and made the bold statement that his fishing pole was so large “he could bring in Shamu with that thing.” He then told us how he liked to do his fishing trips. Basically he told us his trips involved these key elements.

1. Fish- They did not bring food, only ate what they caught.

2. Beer- Of course

3. Poker- Gotta do something when you ain’t fishing.

4. Girls- Mainly for the nightly strip teases. He told us this part after nervously checking to make sure his wife was not within earshot.

We loved this man. He was from Buffalo, NY.

There was also a large man wearing a green tank claiming that he was a leprechaun. I still believe he was. I have no reason to believe otherwise.

I asked Mike what he would do if he felt a tug on his line, reeled it up, and there was a leprechaun on his hook.

Around hour two of Day two I say my pole begin to twitch, a sure sign there was a hammerhead shark on the line. I run over, begin reeling, and the massive creature takes off under the pier almost taking me with it. Miraculously my line did not break and so I let the mysterious creature hang out for a while so I could rest. Two hours later I came back and was ready for battle number two. Sometime during this battle a little Asian lady took notice and began hollering in broken English tips on how I should reel in this massive creature. This drew a crowd, a crowd of more than two.

Stingrays are the nuisance of Jacksonville pier. They are heavy, and they are annoying. You can’t eat them, and they can kill you (I think). Catching a stingray is like that really annoying dude showing up at your house uninvited and instantly taking over your pleasant conversation with all your other friends.

I had a crowd. I had a stingray. Which to us was awesome, to everyone else it was a huge disappointment. My line broke before I could get it all the way up to the pier. I would say it was about the size of a pillow, except a lot heavier.

Midnight Mike out caught the rest of us big time. He left us embarrassed and broken in his fish catching wake.

We still did not have the hammerhead shark we were all so longing for.

On the last night, Midnight Mike and I headed down to the pier for some night fishing. We were excited and nervous at what might be lurking around the dark murky ocean waters. I hooked up some stinky shrimp and tossed my line into the water, let the line out until I felt it settle nicely on the ocean bottom. I then waited. Mike did the exact same thing in the exact same order.

The bell attached to the top of my pole (to signify a catch) began to ring. Could this be it?! The one we had been waiting for. The bell was ringing loudly. My heart was thumping loudly. In my head hammerhead sharks danced around to the tune of Ludacris’ “Roll Out.” I run over, grab the pole, and begin reeling. I definitely had something. I began sweating, yelling, praying. The line spinning around my reel rapidly, the mysterious creature on the end inching its way to my grasp. Reeling, reeling, hoping, praying, yelling, reeling! At last the fish was brought to the surface. Midnight Mike and I looked at the creature laying at my feet, then looked at each other. Mouths partly open, unable to really speak. We just made noises. Oooohs and aaaahs. What I had, laying at my feet, was the one and the only hammerhead shark. The one we had been longing for basically all our lives on that vacation. We had finally done it! Here is the picture of me proudly holding this wonderful creature.

-Ross Hoss

The idea that I heard today was this: Love and fear are complete opposites. I have heard a lot of ideas, but I have never quite heard this one. Before I could ask the speaker to elaborate, he had moved on to some other mumbo jumbo about the Nixon administration. But! Lucky for you we wont talk about Nixon.

Love and fear are opposites. Let’s analyze!

On one side you have love. Love is an emotion. It is something we feel. Similarly, fear is an emotion, something we feel. Love is what causes people to want to help others. It is what causes kiddos from youth groups to head out to scary Mexico to feed the orphans (or that hot girl who along with love,  is also very persuasive).  It is what causes us to be in relationships with each other. It is love man! Love. It is what God has for us unconditionally, as you might have heard (if not, then email me (rossmoffitt37@gmail.com), and we can talk about it). Love is the driving force behind a whole bunch of our actions. I eat burritos for lunch instead of pasta, because I love burritos. You get the idea.

Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear is why we do not go to scary Mexico on that mission trip, or why we deny the hot girl who invited us a relationship. Fear is the driving force behind why we don’t do a lot of things. So wait, love is the driving force that causes us to do stuff, and fear is the driving force that prevents us from doing stuff. I believe we have found opposites.

Love does not overcome hate. Love overcomes the fear to love in those who hate. Why do people hate? Because they are scared to love? Because they are scared to take that leap?

If we view love as being the opposite of fear, I think life becomes a lot more manageable. It creates a pathway in which we can bridge hate and love. It creates a starting point in which we can deal with the hate we may have, or the hate that someone else has.

Ole John Boy over there is getting a lot of credit because he is doing awesome things. You however, are getting no credit for your awesome acts. Jealousy and even hate begins to grow inside of you for this person receiving this admiration crap. Are you scared because you think you may never get recognized for your acts? Like this person may go on overshadowing your awesomeness forever? Fear nothing. You will get your credit. Email me and I will give you credit if nothing else. Or you can look to God. Or you can look to your pastor or parents.

“But the one who examines me is the Lord… But wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness, and disclose the motives of mens hearts: and then each man’s praise will come to him from God.” -Paul, formerly known as Saul.

Sunday is as everyone knows a Church night. In the year 1996 I had not missed a single Sunday night Church service since my birth in 1989. I was in that pew and nobody could stop me. I sang my hymns and listened to my sermons with incredible dedication. But wait, this year (1996) Halloween was on a Sunday night. I would be in prime singing of the hymns mode about the same time that the world would be in prime trick or treating mode. What was I to do? I of course reasoned it out in my over sized head for my body and came to the conclusion that I would not miss Church to celebrate the Devil’s holiday. Plus, I was already packing a few extra lbs around the waist, so there was another reason to sit this one out. Earlier I said Spiderman mask but really I had planned on being an Army man.

When I took off my helmet on that spooky Halloween night in the year 1996, I never looked back. I stopped trick or treating. I stopped trying to scare my friends by hiding in their lockers at school. I stopped trying to eat my weight in nerds. I gave up. I could not win. I could not go to Church and trick or treat in my neighborhood at the same time.

Looking back here are some alternatives I should have explored….

1. Attend the early Sunday night service at Madison.

2. Dress up as Jesus and go trick or treating, bringing Church to the neighborhood since I couldn’t bring the neighborhood to the Church.

3. Put Bibles in my home candy bowl and hand those out instead of Snickers. So Gideon of me, but I would have been fulfilled Spiritually I think.

4. Run around the neighborhood slaying all of the evil eight year olds dressed like mummies and zombies with a sword. The Sword of the Holy Spirit that is.

5.  Really have worshiped hard at the Morning service accounting for two services in one.

6. Called up all my friends and told them to tell me it was okay to just go trick or treating.

7. Go out earlier in the day, beating all the other trick or treaters. Which would have gotten me some awesome candy I think.

8. Eat so many Nerds that night when I got home from Church that I would pass out and not even remember what happened the night before.

9. Stuff my pockets with Nerds and take them to Church with me. Okay, this one would not have solved anything, but it would’ve been cool. I think I’ll do that this Sunday as a matter of fact.

10. Worked out a deal with God that I would give a tenth of all the candy I got that night to Him if He would just let me skip Church this one time.

What are your favorite Halloween memories?

-Ross the Army Man Hoss.

Here is a picture of my niece and her friends at school in their costumes. Madelyn loves Nerds too. She is a monkey.

Fashion trends.

Ever wondered where fashion trends originated from? I will tell you.

1. The one paint leg pull up fad. Remember when rappers and really anybody who was cool, would roll up one of their pant legs? Surely you remember. Well do you know the origin of this fad? It started on a college campus. A famous rapper, you know him as LL Cool J, was set to play a show at The University of Tn Chattanooga. When he arrived on campus he noticed a lot of bikers. He also noticed that in order so that their jeans wold not get caught up in the bike chain, the bikers would roll up one pant leg. LL thought this was pretty cool. And seeing as how the ladies only love cool James, he had to roll his pant leg up too. The fad grew and grew and swept the entire cool people population.

2. Bell-Bottoms- Notre Dame was set to play Rival Michigan. The Notre Dame students were pre-gaming with their alcohols before the game. One student was filling his flask when he turned to another student and said, “I’d like to take this inside the stadium with me, so I can drink during the game!” That student went on to create a special kind of pants that flared out at the bottom, so that he could hide a flask in the top of his tube sock without making an obvious indention in his pant leg. He then would later disco dance with excitement when his plan was executed successfully.

There will be more to come. This is all true by the way. Do not doubt it for a second.

My friend Cara from land Nashville is starting a blog. She claims it will be all things dramatic and fabulous. Hmmmm

Link: erinandcara.blogspot.com

Sorry WordPress for linking a blogspot blog. Forgive and forget.

I saw a double rainbow today. What did you do cool today?

@rosshoss