Yellow Card

I am sitting in “my office” here at Bethel CoC thinking about sandwiches and bumper stickers. Sandwiches because I am a little bit hungry and bumper stickers because I probably saw a thousand on my way to work this morning.

My Father was never a “bumper sticker man.” It is my belief he did not use bumper stickers because he felt like he was above the bumper sticker. I think the fact that dad felt so strongly against the use of bumper stickers is why I will probably never put a sticker on my bumper. Here are my reasons for not supporting the use of bumper stickers…

1. They leave sticky residue post life of. Example: after a presidential election your candidate is not chosen so you remove the Al Gore bumper sticker from your car. There will however always be a little square sticky spot where that Gore bumper sticker once found life.

2. They put others around you in danger. Example: I am driving down the street this morning and a blue station wagon passes me with a bumper sticker that says “It is a nice day. Don’t F#$% it up.” First off I drove way above the speed limit just so I would be able to read this dumb sticker. Then after risking my life this is what it says. Come on people!

3. There are other ways to express yourself. I have never seen a Republican turn Democrat by just seeing a witty abortion sticker on the back of someones car. I have never seen anybody wave someone down in hopes to further discuss the driver’s beliefs or corky sense of humor that is presented via bumper sticker. If we want to tell people how we feel start a blog, start a conversation, write a letter to the editor. Get the ideas off the bumper of your ’94 pontiac and out into the world.

4. You will be judged. Some say they do not care what others think. I believe this to be a bunch of bologna. If you want someone to believe what you believe you have to care what they think. If you want friends you have to care what others think. If you do not, then you are going about it all the wrong way. So think… Does this really portray my thoughts in a way that will make people think I am either narrow minded or dumb?

Another way you will be judged is if you have a dumb joke on your bumper. If you feel the need to be funny call your friend and tell them a joke. Do not try to make the whole interstate laugh by making your bumper the outlet for your sense of humor.

If you have thoughts on this matter please feel free to leave a comment and I would love to further this discussion. Maybe you are outraged by my position on bumper stickers. You live for bumper stickers. Maybe you feel the same way as I do and would like to add reasons why bumper stickers bring down our society. There are a few exceptions that I will allow. One being any stickers supporting out troops in a healthy manner. OK basically there is only one exception. Below are some examples of bumper stickers I found on the internet that I believe to perfectly display my points.

“What if the hoky poky really is what is all about?”

“I like my men how I like my coffee. Ground up and in the freezer.”

“Come to the dark side. We have cookies.”

“Curiosity was framed. Stupidity killed the cat.”

I love you.

Ross Hoss


1 Comment

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One response to “Yellow Card

  1. Jake

    First of all, let me say what a wonderful picture you have currently. Second of all I find the “I like my men how I like my coffee. Ground up and in the freezer” hilarious, but wouldn’t put it on my car. Third of all, I don’t have any bumper stickers, but I always wanted the one that said “My child is an honor student at…[whatever school you desire]” just so people would think I was a teenage father.

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