I am a basketball player. I enjoy dribbling and shooting, mostly shooting. There is a church by my house that has an adjustable basketball goal outside that I often go to to shoot some hoops. I enjoy being outside alone getting a good sweat in. Anyways…

I am at my little basketball haven tonight just relaxing and getting a little Ross time in and enjoying every moment of it. Like I mentioned before the goal is adjustable so I get great joy from lowering the goal and doing Lebron esque dunks while maybe getting six inches off the ground. I slam it down and yell things like, “OOOH, ROSS HAS ARRIVED!” or, “HE CAN’T BE STOPPED TONIGHT. MOFFITT IS GOING CRAZY.” Sometimes I even commentate made up game situations in my mind in which I always come out victorious….

So I am out there tonight dunking, yelling, enjoying when I see blue police lights flashing up on the hill in the road in front of me. The police man rolls down his window and says, “Sir I’m gonna need you to leave.” I of course inquired why and he said that it was after hours. I said, “But this is a church.”

We go back and forth a few times, and I guess the cop feeling defeated felt the need to pull out this line. “The pastor called me and wanted me to make sure there was no one here after hours. I am just doing what he asks.”

A. What church functions on a schedule? After hours?

B. What pastor calls the police to make sure nobody is around in a pretty much zero crime rate area at his church building?

C. The cop could have said just be careful to not damage the rims with your severe dunking. Then let me continue.

D. What if I had been worshiping.

E. I hope a Sunday School teacher gets her classroom prepared in time so the cops don’t get her for being at the building “after hours.”

F. I will not go to church there.



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7 responses to “

  1. jamielea

    Are you sure that the pastor really called the cop to go check things out?

  2. Schmoffly


    You were never going to go to church there to begin with so where is the loss?

  3. Donna

    When I write my book about good parenting I will be sure to include a section about not arguing with the police. I guess I forgot to tell you that and I wouldn’t want other moms to do the same.

  4. rosshoss

    I will not read that book before becoming a parent…

  5. Donna

    It has been my observation that the people who need to read parenting books never do, it is the already good parents who are always reading them. But in response to your comment…you will be an excellent parent and won’t need a book to tell you how to do it anyway. You are a good man with good priorities and that goes a long way in the parenting world.

  6. Schmoffly

    Ross, Mom writes such sweet things on your blog!

  7. Schmoffly

    I think you are a good man too!!! Oh Rossy Hossy

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