I am quite possibly  putting the finishing touches on the loooongest day of my life. As most of you know I drive a little red honda accord (see Raleigh’s car. It is my car’s twin brother.). Well  blah blah my car has been acting crazy lately. It starts when it wants to and has a slight case of Turrets.  After seeing over tens of mechanics who can’t give me an accurate diagnoses I have come to this conclusion. There is a demon living in my car.

Here is the indisputable evidence behind my demon diagnoses.

1. Only when I do not have somewhere important to be (Panara, the zoo, the Y,  home for dinner, etc…) does it start. When I have somewhere important to be (Class, Rusty’s daily petting, Church, dates, etc…) it won’t even do as much as to pleasure me with a light in the dash.

2. The random jolts I experience while coasting or while stopped at a light. Sure I try to hide it by turning up Jay Z’s the Black Album and make it look like I am breaking to the beat, but that is not the case. It just jolts, here, there, everywhere!

3. Sometimes my doors lock themselves. I have power locks but they have not actually worked since I am guessing 1997. But demonically they will lock themselves at random times. Explanation please? Demon.

4. It does all it can to avoid Church parking lots. Sometimes it even goes far enough to try to self implode. The jolting is never as bad as it is when I am cruising the Church parking lot.

5. The crazy homeless man downtown will wash  my windows for no reason. He will not speak to me, only to my car. I mean I appreciate the free window washing, but it is just so strange.

I do not say all this so that you will avoid riding with me. It will be an experience you will never forget if given the oppurtunity. Death count thus far=0. So hop on in!

Ross Hoss.



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5 responses to “

  1. schmoffly

    Rossie, I think C(K?)ara put on a curse on your car for revenge….

  2. Donna

    It is Carrah.
    I think the car gods have never been on Ross’s side. Maybe Carrah could be one personified.

  3. rosshoss

    “Maybe Carrah could be one personified” what does that even mean?

  4. Donna

    A car god who is out to do you harm..not in spirtual form but in human form.

  5. schmoffly

    Haha “What does that even mean”…

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