Pants. Not the dog though.

So here is the deal. I am continuing my post from before. I have yet another question for you. I believe it is understood that in America there are different types of pants with different types of meaning in our society. Here is a list of pants and what they mean.

Slacks- Dressy. “Hey man, enjoy your dinner party.”

Khakis- Semi dressy. “Hey man, enjoy Sunday night church did ya?”

Jeans- All over the board. Dark jeans say one thing while light jeans say another. If you go Alan Jackson in Chattahooche style with holes in your jeans then you are saying a lot. Jeans are Ford cars. There are nice ones and there are terribly awful looking ones yet they are all still Fords.

Leather- Who cares.

Sweat pants- Sporty, Rednecky, Lazy, Dirty, and above all, comfortable. Sweat pants keep our society afloat. They can be worn everywhere if the wearer is a bold, daring individual. Their comfort level is rivaled by none of the above. Throw on some sweats and throw on some comfort. Even the cowboy who has sworn his life to Wrangler Jeans can’t deny the comfortability of the sweats his wife got him for sleeping in. They are also good for Fall outside football games.

So the topic of sweat pants brings me to my next question. Who said I wasn’t allowed to wear my sweats to a nice dinner party?

Well, I know who says it. My Mom and my friends.

But, who said it. Initially made the comment that, “No Johnny, you can’t wear your sweats to Church. It just looks bad.”

Pants are pants. I have spent a lot of time thinking about this fact lately. How many times have you searched the department store, the mall, the American Eagle clearance rack searching for that pair of jeans that fits your oddly shaped body right?

All I know, besides everything else I know, is that I think I am mad at the person who placed stereotypes on the man for the kind of pants he wears. I am convinced that I have been brainwashed into believing that the pair of black slacks in my closet looks nice while my sweats in the bottom drawer make me look uneducated and lazy.

Crazy, crazy world we live in.

I’ll leave you with this quote from John Mellancamp which also happened to be my senior quote in the ’07 yearbook.

“Some say I’m lazy, I’m uneducated, and my opinion means nothing. But I know, I’m a real good dancer.”

What type of pants do you think the original speaker of these words was wearing?

-Ross Hoss


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