Here is a list of all the jokes that I consider to be the classics. Jokes that will get giggles even if delivered to a room full of terrible people with awful senses of humor. These jokes have survived the test of time. They have prevailed. They deserve our appreciation.
1. The short tie joke: One of my all time favorites– It is picture day at the high school. Emotions are running high. Girls are in the bathroom caching on make-up. Boys are in the gym doing facersizes till their jaws hurt so bad they can barely muster up a smile. Nobody has laughed all day. Johnny over there realizing how tense the day has been decided to lighten the mood a bit. How does he do it? He unties his tie from regular length and reties it where it barely stretches past the second button on his shirt and is about six inches across all the way up. He walks into the gym where the boys are doing their facersizes and everyone erupts in laughter. Johnny saves the day. Everyone relaxes and takes wonderful yearbook pictures. Some would even claim, “It was like, their best yearbook picture ever!” The short, fat tie joke. Man, gets me every time. Classic.
2. Why don’t you have a ___ with your ___ joke. Scenario: You and your friends are having a grill party to kick off the weekend. Bubba grabs the first hot dog off the grill, throws it inside a bun, and reaches for the ketchup bottle. He takes his big hands and grasp around the bottle, points it in the direction of his hot dog, squeezes the bottle, and here comes the ketchup. Oh boy here comes the ketchup. Bubba and his big hands squeezed way too much ketchup on his hot dog. Now the hot dog is barely even visible. Someone takes notice of what is happening, looks Bubba square in the eye, and says, “Hey Bubba, why don’t you have some hot dog with your ketchup?” Bubba’s face turns as red as ketchup, the girls point and laugh, I laugh, everyone laughs. Classic.
3. The T9 word joke. This is a joke that is beginning to fade as quickly as it has arrived. I however, still get a kick out of doing it and also having it done to me, so that is why I am including it in my list. Darn those cell phones with their keyboards. Anyways, everyone who has ever used T9 word on their text messaging knows that it does not always get the word right. Scenario: My class was having a party to celebrate the end of the year. I picked up my phone to let the person in charge of the party know that I wanted to bring the plates. The text ended up saying this instead. “Hey man, I am more than happy to bring the slaves to the party tomorrow.” I said slaves instead of plates! Classic.
4. Kittens and puppies: Kittens and puppies are not necessarily jokes per say, but they do induce laughter. Jokes produce laughter and kittens and puppies produce laughter so therefore kittens and puppies are a joke. Scenario: Your girlfriend or boyfriend is mad at you. What you did, I can’t say for sure. Probably had to do with flirting around or something. Anyways, you need to cheer them up. You want the relationship to work, because if not then who will buy you things (girls) or who will give you a reason to watch those awesome Romantic Comedies (boys). So what do you do? Take them to Puppy zone. Puppy zone can mean the actual place called the Puppy zone, or just anywhere there is puppies. One look at a cute puppy and all problems fade away. You feel a giggle beginning to form in your stomach. You try to fight it. You can’t. Before you know it you are hugging your boyfriend/girlfriend and y’all are giggling together. Puppies and kittens. Classic.
This is only 4 because I have to do other things now. There will be more to come though. Tell me what jokes always get you giggling?