Ween Hallow.

As Sunday approaches I am overwhelmed with awesome Halloween memories. Trunk or treating at my Church, scaring the little neighborhood kids, eating candy til I puked, and so on and so forth. Ok but for real, Halloween is a joke. Sunday marks the 14th anniversary of when I hung up my Spiderman mask and called it quits on Halloween.

Sunday is as everyone knows a Church night. In the year 1996 I had not missed a single Sunday night Church service since my birth in 1989. I was in that pew and nobody could stop me. I sang my hymns and listened to my sermons with incredible dedication. But wait, this year (1996) Halloween was on a Sunday night. I would be in prime singing of the hymns mode about the same time that the world would be in prime trick or treating mode. What was I to do? I of course reasoned it out in my over sized head for my body and came to the conclusion that I would not miss Church to celebrate the Devil’s holiday. Plus, I was already packing a few extra lbs around the waist, so there was another reason to sit this one out. Earlier I said Spiderman mask but really I had planned on being an Army man.

When I took off my helmet on that spooky Halloween night in the year 1996, I never looked back. I stopped trick or treating. I stopped trying to scare my friends by hiding in their lockers at school. I stopped trying to eat my weight in nerds. I gave up. I could not win. I could not go to Church and trick or treat in my neighborhood at the same time.

Looking back here are some alternatives I should have explored….

1. Attend the early Sunday night service at Madison.

2. Dress up as Jesus and go trick or treating, bringing Church to the neighborhood since I couldn’t bring the neighborhood to the Church.

3. Put Bibles in my home candy bowl and hand those out instead of Snickers. So Gideon of me, but I would have been fulfilled Spiritually I think.

4. Run around the neighborhood slaying all of the evil eight year olds dressed like mummies and zombies with a sword. The Sword of the Holy Spirit that is.

5.  Really have worshiped hard at the Morning service accounting for two services in one.

6. Called up all my friends and told them to tell me it was okay to just go trick or treating.

7. Go out earlier in the day, beating all the other trick or treaters. Which would have gotten me some awesome candy I think.

8. Eat so many Nerds that night when I got home from Church that I would pass out and not even remember what happened the night before.

9. Stuff my pockets with Nerds and take them to Church with me. Okay, this one would not have solved anything, but it would’ve been cool. I think I’ll do that this Sunday as a matter of fact.

10. Worked out a deal with God that I would give a tenth of all the candy I got that night to Him if He would just let me skip Church this one time.

What are your favorite Halloween memories?

-Ross the Army Man Hoss.

Here is a picture of my niece and her friends at school in their costumes. Madelyn loves Nerds too. She is a monkey.



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2 responses to “Ween Hallow.

  1. Schmoffly

    Chattanooga said Trick or Treating was to be on Saturday night. Pretty much solved the church/trick or treating dilemma….

  2. Cara

    i love your blog! You. Are. Funny Rossybear!

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